The Great Challenge

L'Shana Tova and Happy New Year to all of my Jewish or Kabbalistic friends out there. I promise I am going to be better at blogging this year. This has been a very difficult High Holiday season for me as I have had a falling out with my family over my marriage. I am grateful for the few who still want to be a part of my life and wait for the day that the rest of them come to their senses. Most of us do not speak very often. And perhaps we do not know each other as well as we should. I hope this will at least have the power to change that. Perhaps if we discussed our different faiths and lives more openly, we would not get hurt so easily and would not have so many misconceptions about each other. Those of you who follow my blog are probably well aware that I am a very open person. I love learning about other people's beliefs and sharing my own. My life is an open book. I also love a good, heated, fact based political debate (right Kelly). Anyway, as this blog is a means of me fleshing out my "inner altar," I felt it necessary to talk about this. Some in my family will find it appalling that I would talk about this here. I am sorry they feel that way, because as I previously stated we need to discuss these things out in the open. If they are ashamed of me or of having others learn of their prejudice, that is not my fault. I am nothing to be ashamed of and their prejudice should be exposed to the Light as there is no other way to banish the darkness. I feel it is important to state that discussing our different faiths and beliefs should not be considered an attack on each other. Likewise, we should never use our faiths to attack each other.



I love them and I am loved by my husband and my many friends. Life is very good and I am so blessed. I have the privilege of being married to an amazing man, my soul mate. I also believe that before we are born our soul chooses our family to help us in our Tikkune (correction) process. So, I know that I chose this family for exactly this time in my life. This struggle has a hugh life lesson for me. I have a tendency to allow people to walk all over me, because I do not want to offend them (especially when it comes to my family). I will remain quiet while they say some hurtful thing to me or about me, and will just breath and ignore it. The lesson I have found in this is that this aspect must change within me. There is definitely a lot to be said for speaking with respect and using a language of love. However, I must stop allowing myself to fall into the role of the victim. As Eleanor Roosevelt said " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I no longer consent, from now on when I am hurt I will not hide it. I will let them know they have hurt me and that it is not okay. I will of course always attempt to do this from a place of love.



In this season of Atonement I have cried out to the Creator to give me the strength to change this aspect of myself. After all Kabbalah teaches that we spell Atonement wrong, it is meant to have two spaces in it - At One Ment. This is a season when we can be unified into one human soul through our spiritual work. That unity includes everyone - our friends, our family, and our enemies. We are after all really one, the separation we feel is an illusion. If I am hurt, then you are and if you are hurt, then I am. How can we be enemies with ourselves. Kabbalah teaches us that there is but one enemy, our adversary - Satan (pronounced sah-Tahn). This enemy is within us. It manifests as our ego, our worst desires, and our fears. As the saying goes you are your own worst enemy. We have the power to shut down Satan's work, if we will only be vigilant. Any conflict we find ourselves in, should be seen as an opportunity for change. Our times of greatest tribulation can bring about our greatest triumph and transformation, if we use them and avoid falling into a victim consciousness.



I hope this post has been comprehensible. I feel like I was a little rambling. If I have confused you or made no sense at all I am sorry. LOL. Thank you for reading and gazing with me into our collective soul.



Kol Tuv,

Matthew